I admit that up to Isabelle’s birth I thought I could understand why parents got so extremely upset if for example their child got hurt badly, bullied, died, let you down in a horrible way, run away etc. But now I realize I never really understood to what extent I think. I guess it was hard because I had never felt that deep unconditional love that just a child can give you.
It is good in so many ways because it is lovely loving someone that much, it makes you happy just thinking about her and just looking at her. I use to think that giving up things for your child could make your life a bit boring....but now I gladly give up things for Izzy just because I love her so immensely and it makes me feel happy.
On the other hand this has also opened a few unexpected doors.
1. I can’t watch any program where a child (or animal) is hurt in any way without bursting into tears...sometimes uncontrollable. I’m telling you I can now understand how those poor mothers on Law & Order feel when their child has been murdered....
2. I also get really upset with people that fight or intentionally hurt other people. I can work myself up way so much...not always healthy
On a more serious not:
3. Now I can also understand my own mothers fear when I was younger and started going out with boys and drinking. Some of the stuff I have put her through....oh my God I am so sorry!!!
4. And more recently, moving to Australia and leaving Europe. I know I was living in the UK for a long time but the distance from Sweden to UK and to Oz is a big difference...I can just imagine how she feels about that.
The realization that I still might be hurting my mum everyday makes my heart crumble, it feels like a black empty hole yet heavy as a mountain. (Of course I don’t know for sure how she fees as I have only been a mum for 4 months, and after all I am in my thirties and she might have been happy to get rid of me...but I doubt that)
Having a child and starting a family makes you miss your parents and home country in a whole different way. It makes you put so much more importance on where you come from, tradition and culture...well it does for me anyway. And I miss Sweden very much!
BUT one has to see the positive things in life and in only 3 months and 18 days (countdown is on) we are taking the whole family (minus the dog) for a long holiday to Sweden. I am so looking forward seeing my parents, brother with new family,friends and having a white Christmas with skiing, open fires and lots of Glogg...and of course show off my beautiful Isabelle.
Until then we have the phone, the skype, this blogg and pictures of course.
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